First issue of the day:  It looks like some one at the Today Show dropped the ball and forgot to remind Fergie not to act like a whore on a morning talk show.  How desperate does she look now that she’s performing this horrible version of Barracuda again on national television while giving seductive (read: scary, I bet the kids thought she was a werewolf since her eyebrows connect to her hairline) stares to 8 year old kids. 

“Gee, thanks mommy for taking me to the today show, I guess we should have “The Talk” now since I’ve got eye-f’d on national television this morning… ”

When I am ultra bored, I like to prescribe myself a dose of google trends.  It lists the top 100 things people are google searching at any given time.

Today’s SUPER trend, I will call it, currently comes in at number 36 (it may be different by the time you look). 

36. Tony Danza Sex Position 

Interested in what it is?

Click below! (Don’t worry, no pictures!)

via thetonydanza.com

1. Tony Danza: When you are giving it to a chick from behind, you yell out “Who’s the boss?” She’ll get confused, turn her head around, at this moment, you donkey punch her in the face and then scream TONY DANZA!!!

Oh man, I totally pwned Jeff’s girlfriend last week when I gave her a Tony Danza.

Thanks to fellow y2ker Michelle for the heads up on this one.  The maker of the board game Loaded Questions has an idea.  He wants the presidential candidates to answer questions from his board game.   Lord knows they must be better than the questions Charlie Gibson and George Stephanopolous asked at the last debate in Philadelphia.  Click the break if you want to see the 10 questions and my best guess at how the candidates would answer.

If you could dis-invent one thing, what would it be?

Hillary: Bill

What wealthy person is the least deserving of their fortunes?

McCain: All wealthy people are deserving of their fortunes.

What celebrity do you resemble most?

Obama: Jim Carey

Who probably won’t be giving you a friendly phone call?

Obama: Definately not Hillary at 3:00 am when I am living in the White House! LOL!

What small change would you implement to make airline travel more enjoyable?

McCain: Not crashing in Vietnam in the middle of a war.

What is the best advice you can give for making a quick $1 million?

McCain: Marry a hot beer distribution heiress.

What do you see people doing/using all the time that has no purpose in your own life?

Hillary: My husband

What is the most expensive thing you wish you never bought?

Hillary: My campaign

What television show would you watch if it included full nudity?

McCain: Definately “The Girls Next Door”

What song do you embarrassingly enjoy listening to?

Obama: “Baby Got Back” by Sir Mix a Lot because I like big butts!

 One look at how un-hot Jamie Lynn looks in this photo will have those impressionable pre-teen Zoe 101 fans shaking in their mini-skirts. I can see them all jumping on the virgin-till-marriage bandwagon a la Jessica Simpson!  Oh and don’t think the pre-teens are the only ones affected by this scary photo. The older, Cosmo-reading age group (=me), are freaking out too. I am sure we will find lots of them swearing they’ll adopt a la Angelina Jolie (at least that’s what she did to get 3/5 of her kids!)

Oh, and what is with the obvious anti-blonde campaign? Do blondes, always having more fun, automatically look un-”wholesome”? I object!

UPDATE: According to a photo on NYPost.com, she wears a purity ring. Way to be literal Disney

Here is an individual I will never understand.  This guy has said “NO” to the typical household pet.  Instead, he tries to impress the ladies with a 12-foot snake, alligator or perhaps some annoying ass bird that nobody can understand what the hell it is trying to say.  Really exotic pet guy!  Here is an idea, get rid of the damn Gila Monster, move out of your parents basement, buy yourself a dog, and try socializing with a member of the opposite sex!

I love this kid, what an amazing inspiration to us all.  I only wish that he gets his own infomercial.  Jock Jams and a fat kid adjusting his whitey-tightys on the internet, God bless America!  By the way who is filming this and agreeing that its a ”good idea” for Will to put his full name on it like he’s Billy Blanks?  This kid has a lot of pain and anguish ahead of him so everyone enjoy it now before we start feeling guilty.  Now everybody do “The Backpack” in TURBO!!!

Check out Will Jones in 30 years after the break…