Can you say “DUH!” ?
June 24, 2008 by Ashley St. Standard · Leave a Comment
Gee scientists, thanks so much for this very insightful useful research. I am so glad you spent money to discover something that anyone with a bladder knows on their own! Yes, this was a much better use of the funds, instead of say, CURING CANCER!
What not to do with a washer .. .
June 2, 2008 by Ashley St. Standard · Leave a Comment
Okay boys, a word of warning. No matter how curious you become on weekends while simultaneously fixing your car (or whatever you use washers for) and cooking brat wurst, DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT TRY IT! You’ll only end up like this poor guy. But lets think for a moment. It may seems somewhat logical, given that the companion to washers are nuts. However, by doing this “experiment”, you open yourself “your brat wurst” up to speculation smirks from women wondering just what size washer you so stupidly got stuck on your brat wurst.
Here’s hoping if you get caught with your pants down, and washer on that its a JUMBO! 
BEWARE! Toad Venom Alert!
May 23, 2008 by Ashley St. Standard · Leave a Comment
DANGER CREEPY GUYS: Go to your pantry and throw away all your toad venom it could kill you!
After reading this story I have to ask, should we really be telling these people this is dangerous? Aren’t we better off letting the whole “survival of the fittest thing” play out and kill off all the creepy toad venom eating people?
So I married an Axe Murderer . . . FOR REAL!
May 14, 2008 by Ashley St. Standard · 3 Comments
If you think your family sucks, just be thankful you’re not related to this guy!
Talk about throwing a hotdog down a hallway . . .
May 9, 2008 by Ashley St. Standard · 3 Comments
Number 18 is on the way! Poor Michelle Duggar. She’s like a mama dog at a puppy farm. And she has to home school all those kids. One last thing, doesn’t the way they dress remind you of this? Perhaps there are some secret multiple wives in this whole severe-urge-to-procreate family. . .no. They are Christians, not Warren Jeffs’ followers.
Introducing the new and improved Britney Spears:
May 9, 2008 by Ashley St. Standard · Leave a Comment
Apparently the impending birth of her niece has turned Britney around. She looks about a million times better than she has in the past year. She is making a wildly anticipated second appearance on How I Met Your Mother:
A reason to eat ice cream today (like I need a reason)
May 8, 2008 by Ashley St. Standard · 1 Comment
One of the cofounders of Baskin-Robbins ice cream franchise and brand, Irvine Robbins, passed away on May 5 ( Irv’s in the glasses). He was 90 years old. :(
You know, I bet he ate a LOT of ice cream, like a lot. I’m sure he had to test all 31 flavors (which has ended up being like 1000 flavors today) and be photographed eating the ice cream, and he must have liked it a lot because he based his whole life on selling it. With that in mind, I plan to eat ice cream tonight (heck maybe i will switch from cookies after lunch to ice cream tomorrow too). Not only in honor of Mr. Robbins, but more importantly, in hopes of making it to 90 years old, fat and happy (well preferable skinny and happy, but when Im 90 I dont think anyone will care).
SO REST IN PEACE ICE CREAM MAN!
And to all those still living, get yourself some bluebell, blue bunny or whatever brand you can find, just eat it. We need to live long enough to spend some of the government programs’ budgets into oblivion, too!
Attention Engineers
May 8, 2008 by Christian · 2 Comments
Please stop designing useless crap. Dogs do not need water treadmills, fat humans do. Or at least use your knowledge to design something that benefits this world…
Best birth control ever!
May 7, 2008 by Ashley St. Standard · 8 Comments
All the parents of pre-teens and teens who were in an uproar over the teen pregnancy of Britney’s little sis can sleep well tonight.
One look at how un-hot Jamie Lynn looks in this photo will have those impressionable pre-teen Zoe 101 fans shaking in their mini-skirts. I can see them all jumping on the virgin-till-marriage bandwagon a la Jessica Simpson! Oh and don’t think the pre-teens are the only ones affected by this scary photo. The older, Cosmo-reading age group (=me), are freaking out too. I am sure we will find lots of them swearing they’ll adopt a la Angelina Jolie (at least that’s what she did to get 3/5 of her kids!)
Save the Planet - Go Nuclear!!!
It’s true, we consume a lot of freaking energy. I just don’t understand how we have an energy crisis, we have the power
